Funny Blog

I didn't like the white-people-are-uptight humor when Eddie Murphy first said that white people have tight butts, and I don't like it as the same joke continues to get beaten into the ground by people who think they are being edgy.

White-people-are-pretentious, however, is funny. Read this.


oh crap.

Alien Pajama Girls

At Japundit.

...we spotted a pair of real live kigurumin (girls who wear a type of pajama-suit that resembles an animal and sometimes cartoon characters) strolling along off in the distance.

Safe for Work (but maybe not for your soul).

Ape Escape

The Tama Zoo has become famous for it's yearly escape response drill. A zoo worker puts on an animal suit and runs around until zoo keepers pretend to shoot it with a tranquilizer. It's on the news, and based on the spectators, it seems to attract a crowd. Justifiably, in my opinion.

Via 3 Yen, a story about this and the unintended consequences shooting a guy in a furry animal suit has on the youngsters at The Daily Mail.

"the horror had all been a fantasy"

video from last year.


I didn't catch the Oscars. Who ended up winning Best Actor in an Simulated Animal Escape at a Zoo, Aquarium, or Laboratory?

Sick Kid

Baby's got the pukes. Wife took her to the doctor, whose office is a two minute walk away, and he said that she's got the pukes and a fever. Watch for dehydration. He could either give her a shot that stops the pukes and then Wife could fill her with water. Or she could take her to the hospital and they can put water directly into her blood. Wife decided for shot and drinking. When they got home Baby was clearly getting some weird fever mojo. She said, "My hands. Where are they.? Oh, there they are." But soon Wife thought it might be a convenient time to go to the hospital. Everyone was at the house (except me) including her parents and two or three housekeepers and/or care workers. They were there to take care of her great aunt, Mino. So Wife went back to the doctor and asked to be hooked up at the hospital. He made the call.

Then I'm at work on my way to the dining hall and I get a call from my boss, Wife's brother. He told me to come to the office. You see I had no idea what was going on with the baby and the doctor. Boss told me that my baby was at the hospital, and that I should eat my lunch and go. So that's what I did. A coworker was nice enough to lead me there in his car, since there is no way I would have been able to follow directions in this country.

At the hospital I found Wife holding sleeping Baby with one of the housekeepers and/or care workers fussing over them. They had been admitted to the kiddie ward of the emergency room. Panic level: 0. In fact everyone was a little bored. Baby already had an IV drip going, and that would last about two hours. So we hung out for two hours and tried to guess what was wrong with the other kids. The one next to us was unusually calm for having a burst appendix. Wife didn't know how to say "burst appendix" in English, so she told me "her guts exploded." I said, "how the hell does that happen," and then we worked it out.

A nurse came by and said that there was a really important case coming in, and that the doctors and nurses would be busy with that. So it's possible we would have to chill for longer than two hours. Wife asked if baby could have another IV in that case. Why not? She'll just pee what she doesn't need. It's not like she's going to swell up like a little pink watermelon. The nurse said why not. When she left, Wife explained to me that she learned how to be a good patient from watching Gray's Anatomy and House. You have to be assertive. If you want something ask for it, even if you don't really know anything about medicine. If it's stupid the doctor won't do it anyway. Can't hurt.

Then we saw all the nurses and doctors go somewhere. The special case had arrived. A little later they all came back. We also saw someone walk buy with an insulated bag. So we thought maybe he was there to harvest the little organs (this line of thinking also comes from Gray's A and House). But then we realized that you probably can't harvest a baby's organs. You might as well harvest the whole baby, and that's what everyone was trying to do anyway. We actually have no idea how the special case turned out.

Once our two hours was up they shut off the IV (we ended up with just the one), and the doctor told us that Baby's innards were sufficiently moistened, and we would split. So naturally Wife asked if she could score some extra fever meds in case Baby's fever came back. He said why not.

Baby's doing fine now. She slept for about two days, during which the Gray's Anatomy Hours Watched Index skyrocketed. I can't watch the thing. I tried a few episodes, but it's so freakin girly I'm afraid I'm going to start menstruating if I watch anymore. Baby woke up yesterday and the first thing she said was, "Bread. Big bread. Big bread. Lots of bread." So she's got her appetite back. But the volume coming out the other end more than makes up for decline in puking.

Apparently she has the Norovirus. Which isn't fatal but is very annoying and quite contagious. Wife is hopeless. She's done for. I'm trying to lay low and avoid Baby juice.

Anpanmanland

Last weekend wife, kid and I went to The Anpanman Children's Museum in Yokohama. If you ever hire a hit man to kill someone and need an alibi, go to the Anpanman Children's Museum. There are more cameras than children, and I must have been caught in a hundred pictures and home movies.

Anpanman is an odd superhero. He is a sentient pastry that can fly and has super strength. Often he rescues people by allowing them to eat a piece of his head. So he gets a little theme park in Yokohama.

Aika had no idea where she was going. So when we arrived she was justifiably surprised to see images her TV hero everywhere she looked.

"Mama, Anpanman."
"Yes, Aika."
"Mama, Anpanman."
"Yes. Hold on I'm buying tickets..."
"Mama....
Mama...
Mama...
Mama...
Mama..."
"What is it?"
"Anpanman."

We had to wait about 20 minutes to sit in the Anpanman car. It doesn't do anything. You just sit there.
The dog's name by the way is Cheese.

There are hundreds of food-based heroes in the Anpanverse. Here are some from the New World. Not sure what the deal is with Norro or Frida Kahlo.

I'm climbing on something. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it.


Secund thoughts.
I has dem. *


So much bacteria ... so little time.

I get it. Everyone can go. Even dismembered infants and little boys with railroad spikes in their heads.

Anpanmanfans

Transformers

A skirt the transforms into a Coke machine.

It's not exactly a tank that changes into a giant robot, but it's a start. And it's way further along than the US is on transformer technology.

Ms. Tsukioka said her idea of the vending machine disguise was inspired by a trick used by Japan’s ancient ninja, who cloaked themselves at night under black blankets.

It's an interesting idea, but the article grew tedious. I read half of it. The slide show is cool, though.

Obama in Obama

Cool or not cool.
Warning, potentially offensive.

4. White people have noses that are roughly the same size as a bus.

The Daily Top Ten Blog tells us
The Top Ten Stereotypes the Japanese Have of Foreigners.

Based on my experience, these are spot on.

Bullet Train Rage

Bullet train service in disarray after passenger clobbers conductor

Police are currently questioning the "bullet train rage" passenger and may arrest him for assault.

I think the guys coming up with these "rages" are scraping the bottom of the barrel. When I think of the bullet train, I think of maybe a "bullet train doze" or "bullet train attendant selling beer who will bow to me whether I buy something or not." But you can't deny this guy was pissed.

Services along the Nagano Shinkansen bullet train line were disrupted Tuesday after a passenger punched a conductor and hurled souvenirs and sandwiches at him because he didn't have a ticket for the first-class seat he was in, police and railway officials said.

They pull a knife, you pull a gun.
They send one of yours to the hospital, you hurl sandwiches and souvenirs.
That's the Nagano way.

It's kind of cute that throwing sandwiches is newsworthily violent behavior.

Also, this is the level of "disarray" we are working with:

Delayed while officials dealt with the incident, a large portion of the roughly 400 passengers who had been on board the bullet train when the incident occurred got off and caught the next Tokyo-bound Shinkansen that arrived at JR Takasaki Station about 9 minutes later.

Monkey vs. Demon

Japanese TV answers yet another question that has plagued mankind for centuries:

What happens when you put a cute girl in a demon mask and have her try scare a chimpanzee into attacking her with beans.

It's not what you think.

Boobies

Hey chief, what do we do with the water we used to clean the yogurt machine?

Sell it.

OK, no one's buying.

Fizz it. Put "Sparkling" on the label.

OK. Not working.

Add alcohol.

But it's yog-

Just do it!

OK. Um, this isn't working. Maybe we should just chuck the stuff.

Nonsense. Sex sells. But boobs on the bottle.

But, that doesn't make any sen-.

Just do it!

OK.